Five Registrations. Zero Eligibility.

Some people collect stamps. Some collect voter registrations. A Franklin County grand jury alleges Jeffery Woodard, 62, of Shepherdsville, Kentucky, collected five of the latter, and then used them to vote in three elections for which he was not eligible.

The indictment, announced October 22 by Kentucky Attorney General Russell Coleman, charges five counts of wrongful registration, three counts of convicted-felon voting, and one count of being a persistent felony offender. The indictment alleges Woodard unlawfully registered five times between 2023 and 2026, and voted in the November 2023 general election, the November 2024 general election, and the May 2026 primary. He was arrested October 21 and held on a $25,000 bond.

Two things must be said plainly, because the internet will blur both within the hour. First, these are charges, not convictions: the indictment is an allegation, and Woodard is presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty. Second, the punchline here is not one man's record. It is a registration system that allegedly said yes five separate times. A system that catches nothing five times in a row is not a filter. It is a revolving door with a sign-in sheet.

The timing is the rest of the joke. The November 3 midterms are days away, and the reassurance on offer is that the rolls are secure — secure in the sense that a man allegedly registered five times, voted three times, and was only stopped by a grand jury after the fact.

Five registrations. Three elections. Zero eligibility. The registration desk: five for five.

Sources: The Courier Journal (Oct. 22, 2026); Kentucky Attorney General (Oct. 22, 2026).